Joy remembered when she had moved out of the flat with Jim and found herself alone for the first time in many years. She had experienced a severe crisis. Although perhaps outwardly nobody noticed, at night she cried, imploring the Universe – or whatever It was – to show her the way forward, to end the stagnation into which she felt she had fallen. Ever since she had developed a spiritual orientation in life, rejecting the more materialistic approach, she seemed to have struggled. It was as if all her efforts had led to nothing; as if she were no longer in the flow of life; as if she were swimming upstream.
Joy knew that, despite that cry to the Universe all those years ago, she continued to experience only pockets of apparent success in her personal and professional life for a long time afterwards. Nevertheless, she recognised that during those years of difficulty and struggle she had built up her inner strength, and expanded her understanding of the physical plane and its relationship with the non-visible world. This unseen world had nothing to do with the psychic phenomena of spiritualism and mediumship. Joy never had any of those experiences and didn’t aspire to have any either. Rather, her desire was for an understanding of the nature of the energies that give meaning and purpose to existence – to the microcosm of her individual life and the macrocosmic totality of sentient and non-sentient forms.
Joy thought about her quest for self-knowledge. She felt her life to be like a ship that was on course for a destination as yet unknown. The illusion of the rational mind as the captain of that ship had been revealed to her. But if not her personality, who or what was indeed steering the ship? Joy had found a partial answer to that question. When she managed to focus fully in the moment, to be consciously aware of the here and now, she was able to dis-identify with the voice in her head and, in so doing, to recognise an aspect of her self that lay beyond her intellect. The more she experienced this energy field beyond her lower mind, the more she could sense her potential for non-selfish love and conscious unity.
Extract from my book “My Name is Joy”